Jill Of All Trades

Open Letter to Certain Nonprofits^*

To Whom it May Concern;

Sometime last year, I certified my backyard with the National Wildlife Federation as a Wildlife Habitat. Shortly after my contact information entered the NWF database, I began to receive a barrage of mail from non-profits of all shapes and sizes (that would be you^*), often with enclosed free stuff, and all with one ultimate goal: to solicit donations.

Now, I have no problem with this, in itself. You're nonprofits, after all - never asking for donations would be suspicious, at best. However, I feel it is my responsibility to warn you that I am a student (and, honestly, a bit of a spendthrift). What little money I have, I spend on books.^**

In summary, while I apprecitate everything you do for the world, you probably shouldn't expect monetary help from me anytime soon - maybe when, you know, I actually get a job. Until then, I will continue to snag the free stuff out of your petitions and solicitations, and toss the rest into the recycling bin.

Sincerely,

[L. W.]

_{*You know who you are.
**Well, and postage, but that's to get more books. Besides, the decade's supply of return-address labels you've sent me by now only aggravates matters.}

---

Response from Certain Nonprofits

Dear [L. W.];

In your letter dated [...], you write:

What little money I have, I spend on books [...] and postage[.]

To this, we reply:

Tree-killer.


Sincerely,

[The Nonprofit Conservationist League]